WTH is vampire breast lift?

 

We’re all in search of the fountain of youth, whether we admit it to ourselves or don’t. But some go through incredible lengths to achieve flawless skin and their ideal body shape. The simple facelift doesn’t cut it anymore. Beauty treatments are pushing the boundaries with absurd inventions like the vampire facial, vampire breast lift, placenta facial and more. Here’s a list of some of the weirder treatments there are.

Kim Kardashian is known to have indulged – or suffered through? – a vampire facial, which basically involves drawing blood from the arm, separating the platelet rich plasma (PRP) and re-injecting it into the face. It sounds gruesome and looks gruesome post-procedure as well, but the long-term effects are apparently worth the gruesomeness. We’re not convinced.

An extension to the facelift is the vampire breast lift. This involves a similar process. It re-injects your breasts with platelet rich plasma to combat sagging breasts. This procedure claims to give breasts a non-surgical lift, erase stretch marks and even fix inverted nipples. Kim Kardashian is welcome to this one as well. We’re happy with what we’ve got.

Gold and diamond facials are passé. What’s new in the gross skin treatment category is the hydra facial which is not quite as pleasant as it sounds. This involves – wait for it – baby foreskin as an ingredient for a facial. Not chunks of foreskin, mind you, just microscopic particles. However, we’re definitely not buying. 

To make your hair softer and strengthen the strands, replace your weekely oil massage with a placenta massage. Available off the shelf, you can get your miracle placenta in a bottle and massage it into your hair yourself. We will not comment on this one.

And for the absolute nutters out there, there is a treatment that makes even the vampire facial seem tame – the fire facial. Gaining popularity China, this involves wrapping your face with an alcohol-soaked towel and setting it on fire for just a few seconds. This is supposed to wake up the skin cells. Umm, okay. We will not be trying it out, thank you.