Talk dirty for better sex

Apr 13, 2015, 19:31 IST


Communication is key to good sex—but no one said it has to be PG-rated. Here’s how to get what you want by putting your nastiest fantasies in words.


No matter how much you love sex and how hot you and your partner have been in bed, the initial euphoria eventually dies down. From going at it twice a day to choosing a good cuddle over action—the trajectory is all too common. The problem is that over time sex becomes comfortable, safe and just a little boring.

You know what you need to bring back the sizzle? A few choice words. “There is really nothing ‘dirty’ about dirty talk,” says Dr Uttam Dave, sexologist and relationship counsellor. “It is a way of using language and imagination to express your sexual desire, or to feel more turned on.” He couldn’t have said it better. Stating fantasies and using taboo words is simply a means to get more intimate with your partner. No, it’s not an easy, overnight task—many couples take weeks or months to master the art of dirty talking without breaking into giggles. The trick is to keep at it, fighting the laughter, till you both know exactly which buttons to press to take the mood from awkward to aroused.

“Talking dirty with your partner is a lot like watching good porn with him,” says Nisha Bose*, who’s been in a long-term relationship for over four years. “I’ve read studies that have said that watching porn with your partner helps you grow closer and is healthy. This could be true for dirty talk as well.”

The easiest approach to dirty talk is to start simple. ‘Oh, god’, ‘You feel so good’ or ‘Do that again’ are good ways to start without having to channel your inner porn star. The idea is to understand what you and your partner are comfortable with, the kind of words that turn you on, and how far both of you are willing to go. “Dirty talking in bed can definitely heighten the sexual experience,” says Alka Tripathi* who’s been married for two years, “But both of you have to be careful not to say anything too offensive or even something that would trigger an unwanted emotion in either partner.”

A few tips to get you started:
-- You’re the world’s leading expert on your lover’s body. Now sound like it. Spell out exactly what you love and how you intend to love it.
-- Porn stars don’t just cuss their way to a climax. They give their partners feedback on what they like and how it makes them feel.
-- It’s not the words you use, it’s how you use them. Be explicitly descriptive, pitch your voice low and follow your dirty words with the corresponding action.
-- If the idea makes you horribly self-conscious, try it over the phone fi rst. Focus on getting the tone right and keep your ears open for the effect your words are having.